I am currently in a very disappointing rut! I'm feeling like the biggest looser of a Mom. I've thought and thought and prayed even more about it... and tried to do better and it works a little bit here and there; but then I find myself right back at square one. The thing that's so discouraging is that before I became a Mother, I remember really looking forward to it and I always felt like my Mom had some really great qualities as a Mother that I couldn't wait to emulate and now that I AM a Mother, I'm just feeling like I'm not even close to that Mother that I once imagined and planned on becoming. I feel like I'm being the type of Mother that I actually would despise, minorally grumpy which can quickly escalate into majorally grumpy, always with lurking irritation and pre-anticipated moments of frustration and how am I going to handle it today to make it better than yesterday's experience, when I'm fighting back all of those other feelings??? It was much easier for me when my kids were little; but since they've been getting older and going to school, it just seems to get more and more challenging... One of our biggest issues day in - day out, is homework time. I hate it, they hate it, we all hate it! It's so hard having three kids all needing to get 20 minutes of reading done, math, & spelling and they all need help at the same time with different things. Some are challenged more in one thing and other's another. All the while, Tanner's running around being the silly little 3 yr. old that he should be but totally distracting them, I'm trying to prepare dinner, feed & sometimes entertain McKynlee.. Then it's onto practicing violin and piano and I have the boys constantly telling me "we don't even like piano, we hate piano..." when in reality, they may not actually hate "piano," they just tend to hate ANYTHING that takes them away from their own play/free time and takes a little bit of effort on their part or might even be challenging like homework, piano, cleaning their room, flushing the toilet, hanging up their coat after school, etc.... I feel like I want to scream my guts out most of the time and I often find myself yelling, which I totally HATE; because it does absolutely nothing to better the situation or anyone in it, it actually makes it all worse, and yet I still have let myself get to that point time and time again. I feel like I'm fighting costant opposition and am stuck in a swamp of quick sand and can't find a way out. And then there's the lovely feelings of guilt and failure that follow, gotta love that.. it's a vicious cycle. I know everyone else has there own challenges and I'm not the only one struggling here; but SERIOUSLY... that's what it feels like.
Does anyone have any idea's as to how I can structure our homework/practicing time in a way that will be more of a fun, uplifting, perhaps positive environment that we all actually look forward to??? I feel like I'm friends with everyone who has it all together and would never let themselves get to this point so you must be able to lend some much needed advice. Ha ha : )
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Some days are better than others, but overall...
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11 comments:
I could take this post and copy it onto my blog and just insert some different kids' names. It might seem that friends have it together, but they are falling apart just like everyone else. I think part of the problem is the weather, at least here, and that we are almost to summer. Maybe we can put together a 'home stretch' plan that will help to get us through the next 2 months! So happy that you are putting it out there....let's chat....planning session Monday morning :)
WOW, ok. First of all you are an amazing mother. You are my mentor and role-model and I love you.
Secondly, let have a girls weekend for my birthday, April 20th. You in?
I agree with "kim". This could have been a post in my blog as well. In fact, I've had some that have been very similar. I wish I had some answers for you. But I agree with "la"--I think you are an amazing mother. I've always been impressed with you and have wished I could be more like you. Hang in there. It will get better. And then it won't. And then it will again... :)
P.S. I love the big B&W pictures of your kids at the bottom of the blog. You guys have a BEAUTIFUL family! :)
Ditto to Kim's comment, I am feeling the same way right now, especially when my kids have been gone all day to school and I can't help but be frustrated and annoyed by what they are doing or are not doing. I hate that. My advise about the homework situation. First thing when they get home do the study stuff, but don't let is last longer than a 1/2 hour. Next have them read in the morning before they go to school. This totally works for my boys. Even my sleepy Addi who gets up 40 minutes before the bus comes. Hang in there girl!
Wow, what a relief to know that I'm not the only one getting frustrated with my "mom abilities"! Not that I want you to be frustrated too, but like you said, it sometimes feels like you're the only one struggling. And I only have 2 kids! I don't know how you are so amazing! And it's not like you're just providing the basics for your kids either. They are so blessed to have parents that invest so much time and energy into them! You truly are a WONDERFUL mom! ~and a wonderful woman all around!! I think you're great! I know that none of that helps your specific problems right now, but just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one, and that I think you're awesome!!
I have to say that if feels kind of good to read this post and know that one of the moms/women that I most admire struggles too. You are such an amazing person! Unfortunately, I don't have any advice but I do think that your awesome sense of humor is one of your best qualities so maybe you can think of a way to add humor to the witching hour and lighten the load for the family.
seriously Sandee you are one of the best mom's I know. You are constantly giving to your kids. Truly I look at you the the only word that seems adequate is "AMAZING"! You are a great mom! We all have those days where you feel like you are going to pull your hair out and you wonder "did I sign up for this?" You need some girl time. I'll call you! Remember-you are an amazing daughter of Heavenly Father-he is so pleased with you. Love you!
you took the words right out of my mouth! seriously, we all have moments and days...don't be so hard on yourself! you are doing a great job with all you have to juggle. i look up to you and wonder how you do it all!
Well since I am Mom of a 3 and 1 1/2 yr old I dont think my homework, pianno lesson advice would do much good. I yell at my kids sometimes and get impatient and they are only little. We all do...it comes with the job description! You have ALOT on your plate woman...so instead of the guilt or negative thoughts about how any particular day went... how about giving yourself that well deserved pat on the back at just how FANTASTIC you are to be juggling all that you are and remember you are a beautiful daughter of a loving Father---he knows and understands. Maybe have a family counsel...let the kids come up with a game plan that will help. They will like taking part in the decision and possibly might do better at it knowing they are the ones that came up with it! I can tell you need a GNO and maybe another "crew" session. Meanwhile, go shopping!!! I will be up next week for Taylor's wedding..cant wait to see you...by the way be watching for a special suprize I sent in the mail to you today. (I swear I mush have ESP) Looks like it might be perfect timing! I love you!!!
ok, so you don't know me and I am not even sure what path I took to your blog. So take anything I say with a grain of salt. I wanted to ask if you know about Flylady.net because I always think I would have been a much better mom in EVERY WAY had I had her when my kids were younger. I have heard alot of moms use her timer method with their kids for school work. I had read alot about how kids learn and that they learn best in small periods of time then a little break anyway. I would get EACH kid a timer and figure out different ways to make it work for you. some moms are finding their kids getting through their work happily and quickly instead of miserable and taking hours. I can't say much for the music...I was unable to force my kids to keep taking lessons...they all got basic training but no one seemed to have a passion for it, and I couldn't stand being the enforcer ( the meanie) on EVERYTHING or so it seemed! I imagine you are a far better mom than you feel like most of the time. In fact you sound super to me...but I felt like you too often!
Between school pick up and bedtime seemed like a marathon race every day...so much required of each of us! One thing I do remember is that when we got home we really did take 15 minutes to just chill out and talk about their day. We had some great discussions before we dug into work. And we had a no tv policy during the weeknights , we just had no time for it. Now we could just tivo anything good for them! ah. progress. My last son has cerebral palsy and I had to go one on one with him for homework for hours each night..he was a TROOPER. It was tough though. I did alot of scribing, and was grateful that his brother took on some of that when the math got hard for me! or I was too lazy to think that hard. or was I tired?
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