Some days are better than others, but overall...

I am currently in a very disappointing rut! I'm feeling like the biggest looser of a Mom. I've thought and thought and prayed even more about it... and tried to do better and it works a little bit here and there; but then I find myself right back at square one. The thing that's so discouraging is that before I became a Mother, I remember really looking forward to it and I always felt like my Mom had some really great qualities as a Mother that I couldn't wait to emulate and now that I AM a Mother, I'm just feeling like I'm not even close to that Mother that I once imagined and planned on becoming. I feel like I'm being the type of Mother that I actually would despise, minorally grumpy which can quickly escalate into majorally grumpy, always with lurking irritation and pre-anticipated moments of frustration and how am I going to handle it today to make it better than yesterday's experience, when I'm fighting back all of those other feelings??? It was much easier for me when my kids were little; but since they've been getting older and going to school, it just seems to get more and more challenging... One of our biggest issues day in - day out, is homework time. I hate it, they hate it, we all hate it! It's so hard having three kids all needing to get 20 minutes of reading done, math, & spelling and they all need help at the same time with different things. Some are challenged more in one thing and other's another. All the while, Tanner's running around being the silly little 3 yr. old that he should be but totally distracting them, I'm trying to prepare dinner, feed & sometimes entertain McKynlee.. Then it's onto practicing violin and piano and I have the boys constantly telling me "we don't even like piano, we hate piano..." when in reality, they may not actually hate "piano," they just tend to hate ANYTHING that takes them away from their own play/free time and takes a little bit of effort on their part or might even be challenging like homework, piano, cleaning their room, flushing the toilet, hanging up their coat after school, etc.... I feel like I want to scream my guts out most of the time and I often find myself yelling, which I totally HATE; because it does absolutely nothing to better the situation or anyone in it, it actually makes it all worse, and yet I still have let myself get to that point time and time again. I feel like I'm fighting costant opposition and am stuck in a swamp of quick sand and can't find a way out. And then there's the lovely feelings of guilt and failure that follow, gotta love that.. it's a vicious cycle. I know everyone else has there own challenges and I'm not the only one struggling here; but SERIOUSLY... that's what it feels like.

Does anyone have any idea's as to how I can structure our homework/practicing time in a way that will be more of a fun, uplifting, perhaps positive environment that we all actually look forward to??? I feel like I'm friends with everyone who has it all together and would never let themselves get to this point so you must be able to lend some much needed advice. Ha ha : )